During back to school shopping, I noticed the statement “The Future is Female” had found its way even onto two pocket folders for dutiful little middle school girls to use for their math homework. I’m certain I rolled my eyes both literally and figuratively as I stood in Meijer. The sentiment is so totally ridiculous that my response would be instinctive. But the more I’ve thought about it over the weeks since then, I realized how truly awful it is for our culture.
I honestly could not remember where the term came from so I did a Google search. An article on National Review has a look at the idea, along with a timeline. The tl;dr version is it came out of the “’70s lesbian separatist moment” on a t-shirt and was more recently revitalized by Hillary Clinton in 2017 when she burst back onto the national stage (again) after her failed presidential run. When I read the article, it came back to me that I remembered her saying it in an online video. I’m pretty sure I rolled my eyes at that time too and then promptly mentally blocked the association of it with her for my own mental health well-being.
The future is female is so appalling to me because it encapsulates one of the core ideas of the feminist movement that I reject. In addition to the central doctrine of abortion on demand with no limits, the feminist movement as it exists today is about the suppression of men in order to elevate women. And before anyone tells me that I’m wrong, let’s consider a couple of things.
Alyssa Milano was at the Kavanaugh hearings at the invitation of Senator Dianne Feinstein. Milano was the woman with her hair in an updo and a plunging neckline who sat so she was constantly in view right over Kavanaugh’s shoulder. Watch her take on things, especially the string of thoughts she expresses starting around 3:08.
Milano clearly says, “And if that means men have a hard time right now, then I’m sorry. This is the way the pendulum has to shift for us to have equality and security in our country and within our societal views of what it means to be a woman.”
The problem with using the pendulum analogy is that it represents an over-compensation. When a pendulum swings from one side to the other, you are going from one extreme to the opposite extreme. One of my good friends calls it going from one ditch to the other. You’re still in a ditch in the end and off the path. You’ve traded one problem for another. So in Milano’s pendulum swinging world, it is apparently perfectly fine to oppress men and make them uncomfortable if it means women are elevated. Swing that pendulum and male carnage be damned.
How about this – I don’t even know what to call it. Screed? Rantings? Seriously. What is this? It’s in the Washington Post, but it reads like something that would be in a cheap women’s tabloid. You really need to read it all, but here’s the beginning of Thanks for not raping us, all you ‘good men.’ But it’s not enough.
I yelled at my husband last night. Not pick-up-your-socks yell. Not how-could-you-ignore-that-red-light yell. This was real yelling. This was 30 minutes of from-the-gut yelling. Triggered by a small, thoughtless, dismissive, annoyed, patronizing comment. Really small. A micro-wave that triggered a hurricane. I blew. Hard and fast. And it terrified me. I’m still terrified by what I felt and what I said. I am almost 70 years old. I am a grandmother. Yet in that roiling moment, screaming at my husband as if he represented every clueless male on the planet (and I every angry woman of 2018), I announced that I hate all men and wish all men were dead. If one of my grandchildren yelled something that ridiculous, I’d have to stifle a laugh.
My husband of 50 years did not have to stifle a laugh. He took it dead seriously. He did not defend his remark, he did not defend men. He sat, hunched and hurt, and he listened. For a moment, it occurred to me to be grateful that I’m married to a man who will listen to a woman. The winds calmed ever so slightly in that moment. And then the storm surge welled up in me as I realized the pathetic impotence of nice men’s plan to rebuild the wreckage by listening to women. As my rage rushed through the streets of my mind, toppling every memory of every good thing my husband has ever done (and there are scores of memories), I said the meanest thing I’ve ever said to him: Don’t you dare sit there and sympathetically promise to change. Don’t say you will stop yourself before you blurt out some impatient, annoyed, controlling remark. No, I said, you can’t change. You are unable to change. You don’t have the skills and you won’t do it. You, I said, are one of the good men. You respect women, you believe in women, you like women, you don’t hit women or rape women or in any way abuse women. You have applauded and funded feminism for a half-century. You are one of the good men. And you cannot change. You can listen all you want, but that will not create one iota of change.
What do you say to that and the rest of her rantings? She verbally and emotionally abused her husband and then turned around and wrote about it in a national paper. If this isn’t pendulum swinging, I don’t know what is. Her pent up pain allows her to swing the pendulum to the other side and abuse her husband in multiple ways. Just as her husband is the stand-in for all the horrible things that have happened to her in life, so Kavanaugh was supposed to be the cathartic sacrificial animal to appease for the sins of all men.
I’ve ranted more than a few times about things that have upset me in 21 years of marriage. David has patiently listened as I’ve expressed my anger and frustration with different situations. But I’ve never EVER ranted AT him or ABOUT him. Nor would it ever cross my mind to blame him for the actions of other people or men in general. That completely crosses the line and makes no sense intellectually. I’ve had more than a few men treat me horribly in my life, but what does that have to do with David? Nothing.
How about this one? The BBC exploring the idea that a feminist becomes pregnant and discovers she is having a boy. Now what? Yes, this is really a thing.
You’re a feminist. You’re pregnant. It’s a boy. What next? 📻 https://t.co/zWVuk8SI8p
— BBC World Service (@bbcworldservice) September 26, 2018
This share had a screenshot of some of the highlights.
BBC, the parody of a public service broadcaster:
"You’re a feminist. You’re pregnant. It’s a boy. What next?" pic.twitter.com/WAYpyqM5xZ
— Andrea Trunzo (@Keroppo) September 29, 2018
Notice one of the paragraphs (emphasis mine):
Another mother confesses that she is conflicted – on the one hand she thinks men have had their turn at the top of society and now they should keep quiet. On the other hand, she wants her 15-year-old-son to be heard.
Yes, feminism has reached the point where feminists must decide what to do with their sons because the god of Feminism trumps the mother-son bond. A commitment to the god of Feminism makes a woman feel actually conflicted about whether or not she wants her son to be successful.
THINK ABOUT THAT.
To the best of my recollection, I’ve never called myself a feminist. I have never liked the word and I’ve never felt much kinship with women who were driven by the feminist agenda in my lifetime. I simply don’t fit into their paradigm, including the so-called Christian feminists.
In the case of the Kavanaugh hearing and aftermath, it has become clear what the goals of feminism currently are – believing all women, not trusting men, punishing all men, and demanding that women should be able to do and say whatever they please. It’s time for men to “shut up” (to quote Democrat Senator Hirono) and do what they are told. But according to the woman ranting in the Washington Post, I’m no longer even sure what hard-core feminists want. I’m a woman and I can’t figure out what men are supposed to do any longer.
It’s like we’ve slipped into crazyland over the past few months.
I’ve often held back writing about marriage because I have a happy marriage. I’m married to a good man. Not perfect, but good. Our marriage isn’t perfect, but it is good and happy. We are blessed and thankful. I think there are things we have done right both as singles and as a couple that have contributed to that happiness. But I have hesitated to write about them because it seems like everyone wants to hear about people who have horrible marriages or struggle daily in marriage and how they overcome all the troubles.
I’m certain there is a place for that and I commend people who speak frankly about how they are trying to make their marriage work, especially biblical Christians. At the same time, I’ve become more and more convinced that people who have a happy marriage need to speak out. Not to boast or brag and tell everyone else how to do it, but because young women and young men desperately need to know that it is possible to have a happy marriage. They need to know that the opposite sex is not the enemy.
I’m genuinely saddened how often I read things written by women and men that clearly indicate they do not trust the opposite sex. There is a fundamental breakdown happening in our culture that is tragic. The rantings of women who blame men for everything and get extensive coverage everywhere in the media are not helping.
God made His creation male and female. We need each other. Elevating one above the other is outside of God’s design for this world. How that plays out in the details can be tricky at times. I believe the male-female relationship is far less formulaic than some Christians do.
But I do know one thing for sure.
There is no place for me in the feminist’s fantasy female future where men are demonzied, discarded, and deliberately thrown in the opposing ditch.
And it’s not someplace I would want to live.
This article showed up in my Twitter feed after I completed this post. Rather than try to work it in, I’ll leave you with the link and a quote (emphasis mine).
Kavanaugh’s confirmation hearing exposed anything besides his belligerence and questionable grasp of the truth, it was that the power white men take for granted is under threat. And there are white women who will stop at nothing to protect it.
It’s time for the 47 percent who voted against Trump to collect their white sisters. We need them all to choose us, their fellow women, over the white men who hurt all of us, but who grant white women a little bit of power along the way.
It’s time for white women who are outraged, marginalized and silenced to stand up and speak out for all of our rights. I don’t say this to shame white women. I say this because unless we approach these challenges from a place of truth and courage, we will never win.
We need them to get comfortable with discomfort, to check their fellow white women when they prop up white supremacy and white male patriarchy, to sacrifice their bodies and support our work with their dollars as well as their voices. That means showing up, and showing out, but also centering and lifting up our voices and experiences. It means voting for women of color who will fight to end rape culture, white supremacy and patriarchy.